Friday, December 24, 2010


"We forfeit three fourths of ourselves to be liked by another person." - Arthur Schopenhauer

I'm home and in looking through my memory box I came across a bunch of love notes written to me by my first boyfriend, Kenny. We were so completely opposite but there is something incredibly wonderful and addicting about being liked. It's hard to stop once you get a taste of it.

I remember it hit me like a brick when he said to me, not long after our break-up, "I wouldn't have gone out with you if I had known you were so religious." Insulting on so many levels of course, but what stands out to me the most is the fact that somehow it wasn't obvious. We were together seven months and it took that long for him to figure out how much my beliefs impacted every part of my life? Later, it took much less time for boys to figure that out which I suppose is a good sign.

My point is how tempting it is to change for people. It's not hard to figure out what people want to see and hear from you. When you have an authentic connection with someone and they wake something inside of you up from its nap, it takes effort to not change.

"So I am reminded of things I've forgotten, the way doors can open and people just walk in." These Bright Eyes lyrics have been going through my head all week. It's startling to make a new friend. It's healthy to get a fresh perspective on life and there is so much to learn from new people. So, why does it seem dangerous?


Nicole said...

I am home too! We need to get together homey! Come over and see me, maybe on my bday, yes?

Aundrea said...

Ah, teenage romance, the thrill and the heartbreak! How old were you and Kenny? I suppose it's dangerous to let people in knowing how much they can influence you (some in the wrong way). This is intensely felt by parents of teenagers, moi included. Someone in our family got invited to winter formal, but says "it will be purely platonic if I have anything to say about it".